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Sometimes I wish that I wasn’t the person that I am. I wish that I wasn’t the one who stands up for what she believes or the girl who takes initiative or the girl that over extends herself or the best listener or the boo boo kisser or the psychotic bitch that goes off on people or the girlfriend with all of the extra baggage that’s really just pockets filled up with the weight she takes off of other people’s shoulders. Yea. That’s why there is so much baggage. Yea. That’s why it’s so heavy. If I wasn’t me maybe my life wouldn’t feel so frustrating. Maybe if I turned into one of those people who does absolutely nothing, I wouldn’t feel the back lash from doing everything. I don’t know. I think I’m confused on where I am in life. I want love but sometimes I don’t know if love loves me for who I am. I want forgiveness but forgiving the people worthy of being forgiven isn’t easy. I want conversation but it isn’t easy to talk when you can’t find the words. I want good times but, everyone has it so hard it’s hard to find someone willing to fight through it. I work to see other people happy while I continue to feel less than I did before. But then again I like myself. I actually like myself a lot. Maybe I need closure that people actually like me for the person that I am instead of who they think. I don’t meet a lot of people like me. Is that narcissistic? I know it sounds selfish but, I’m selfless. But no one knows. No one can tell. And no one will ever see until I strip down butt naked in the winter time and give away all of my clothes and stand in my only crappy pair of boots. Maybe then. This doesn’t quite make sense right? Well it’s Tumblr, I don’t have to.
Do you ever start rubbing your eyes and then it feels really good and you can’t stop so it’s like eye masturbation